


If There's No One Who Loves You, Do You Even Exist?

by WhenIWasAYoungBoy



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: F/M, I'd say I'm sorry but that would be a lie, angst is my calling apparently, the faint bits of Plance can be seen as platonic or romantic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-22
Updated: 2017-10-22
Packaged: 2019-01-21 10:29:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12455664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhenIWasAYoungBoy/pseuds/WhenIWasAYoungBoy
Summary: A curse.She was cursed.It was breaking her heart.Killing her from the inside.





	If There's No One Who Loves You, Do You Even Exist?

The door slams behind her and Pidge sighs, sinking against it. Her head hurts and she needs a nap. Doing _this_ everyday of your life is more exhausting than you'd expect. In her case, _this_ is making everyone around you hate you.

 

There was a curse. An ancient being gave it to her. It tried to kill her. Pidge didn't take very kindly to that so she killed it instead. In its dying breath it cursed her. It had a voice like two rocks being ground together. She can still recall exactly what it said to her:

 

 _I curse you._ _All who love you will die. Their love will be their destruction. It may take moments, it may take years, but any who look upon you with love will die of it, unless you remove yourself from them forever._

 

She had laughed. It had smirked at her mirth and finally died. She left it there to rot and went home. A dying creature with barely enough energy left to breathe cursing her? Yeah right.

 

And then she heard the screams.

 

It had been early morning. Her mother would have been up to make sure she got all of their laundry. Her father was probably reading the paper before work. It was normal. Ordinary.

 

And then it wasn't.

 

Matt was dead.

 

Her mother and father tried to shield her from it but it was too late. She had seen. The body in the bed didn't look like her brother anymore.

 

Her mother and father had gone to bed. They wouldn't sleep for hours. She had stayed in her room all day - preparing. She examined herself in the mirror - eyes red and her hair in a low ponytail. She had bitten her lip and cut said ponytail off. Most of the hair had fallen on the floor. Some of it got stuck to her back and she had brushed it off irritated. The day before - when she killed that _thing_ \- she had stolen Matt's glasses. They do- _did_ (he was dead, dead, _dead.)_ that a lot. Stole each other's stuff.

 

She never got to give them back.

 

She had lifted them to her face with shaky fingers, blinking back tears. When she had looked back in the mirror it felt like time had stopped. She looked like Matt. She had had to close her eyes tight then. She couldn't afford to cry. She picked up her bag and - with one last glance around her room - she left.

 

* * *

 

Her heart was breaking.

 

She had cast Katie Holt aside. She was Pidge Gunderson. Cold, heartless and completely alone.

 

She was in love with Hunk.

 

He hated her though.

 

He _had_ to.

 

She can't lose him too.

 

She doesn't know how she feels. Would she rather live like this? Around other people but never being able to love them or let them love her? Or would she rather live alone and isolated - away from anyone and anything that could become attached to her? There is no third option. Everything else would mean death for them and heartbreak for her. She couldn't handle that.

 

Not again.

 

So she was cruel. She was sharp and so _cold._ Sometimes it looks like Hunks going to cry. He was _so_ kind at the start. She wouldn't talk much at all, she'd spend as much time as possible in her room. They pitied her but they didn't seem to _care._

 

Except Hunk.

 

He's always so nice. He would put plates of food outside her door - often accompanied by funny little notes. She'd laugh at the notes and take little bites out of the food - not enough for it to be noticeable. Sometimes she'd slip up. He'd draw her into a conversation about some new tech or Alan Turing or something, she'd gets excited and then see his face and reign herself back in. She'd make a disparaging comment or even just walk off. He'd be confused and sad and send her notes.

 

She had to avoid Lance too. He would try to get her to play video games or talk about their families. That hurt. She doesn't have a family - she had to leave them behind.

Sometimes Lance would mention that they were all as close as a family - something that makes her heart stop. Whenever he says that she had to go hide in her room.

 

She spends more time in her room than she should.

 

She goes out a lot too. She comes back early morning - tales of debauchery on her lips. Drinking and drugs and hookups. The thought makes her laugh. She just walks. She walks around the city almost every night. And then she lies about it. Because why not? If they're disgusted with her it makes it even better. She likes them all well enough but she cannot afford for them to like her at all.

Allura gets almost offended when Pidge tells her lies. Like they're dirtying her ears. Good. Maybe she'll have enough and kick her out. The only reason Pidge hasn't left yet is because she's still 17. She legally has to stay. The fact that Allura and Shiro take in strays is lovely - at least, it would be if she hadn't ended up being one of them. It's both a blessing and a curse that there's only seven people living here all together - including her. Less people to avoid but it's ultimately harder to avoid them.

 

But it's working. It _has_ to be.

 

The screaming proved her wrong.

 

It was always screaming. When she heard it she closed her eyes tight, hoping and praying that it was just a spider or snake or stupid prank. Maybe someone stole Lance's face mask thing or dyed his hair.

 

But, as it turns out, that would never happen again.

 

Pidge had ran - scared of what she would find. She hoped to hell that she was scared over nothing - that she'd be able to laugh it off and maybe poke a bit of fun at whoever it was. The screaming had stopped but she could hear sobbing and quiet muttering. She flung the door to Lance's room open and gasped - tears filling her eyes.

 

It was like Matt all over again.

 

Her face goes chalk white and bile moves up her throat. Without saying a word - Pidge doubts they even noticed her - she turns and flees the room, her heart racing.

 

Lance.

 

Lance, Lance, _Lance._

 

She never even thought- never even _considered-_ he loved her. It was more surprising than it probably should have been. She had heard him talking about his family before - he never had to think, loving people, counting them as family - it probably came as easy as breathing to him. Still… she should have found it. Found whatever it was that would have made him hate her. Now it's too late.

 

* * *

 

Hunk was looking ill. Or maybe he was still grieving. He kept trying to talk to her - about Lance. He was talking about how she was shutting herself away in her grief, that she could talk to him, that he was always there for her. She pales and flinches away, forcing a laugh.

“ _Please._ Grieving over _him._ Are you _really_ still hung up over that?” Tears fill his eyes and he flinches back - hurt on his face.

“Pidge… that's really not nice.” Pidge swallows - but something sparks in her brain. This is how to get rid of him. She shrugs.

“So? I'm not nice. _Life_ isn't nice. You live and then you die. That's it. Besides… does Lance really _deserve_ all of this? I mean, he wasn't the greatest, was he?” Hunk’s eyes widen.

“Pidge…” She swallows and slowly looks him straight in the eyes. She forces a smirk on her face.

“Besides, the fact that you're still hung up about it- well, you're really quite pathetic, aren't you?” Hunk's trembling, tears running down his face. Pidge swallows - the smirk never slipping - and leaves the room as slowly as she can.

 

She sees Hunk now and then - there's no way she can't - but she avoids him as much as possible. He looks at her like a kicked puppy but she knows it's for his own good. Even if it hurts her.

 

* * *

 

It's been about a year. She's alone now. She hardly goes outside, never talks to anyone (Internet shopping is a blessing) and only has her tech for company.

 

Until there's a knock on the door one day.

 

It's the postman - the only person she sees regularly. She's checking her garden when he comes up. He passes her the letter, smiles and nods, then walks off. Pidge is understandably confused. She never gets letters - there's no one to write to her. The handwriting is vaguely familiar.

 

It's from Allura.

 

Hunk is dead.

 

They found him like Lance. ~~Like Matt.~~

 

There's a letter from Hunk inside. It's unopened.

 

It's a love note.

 

It's _multiple_ love notes.

 

Rewritten and crossed out and full of doodles and pressed flowers. She could see areas where he had cried and lists of recipes that he'd like to make for her. Lame pickup lines. He had quoted poetry and lines of books. He talked about how lonely she looked, how he'd go to the ends of the earth to make her smile.

 

He was dead.

 

She loved him.

 

She _loved_ him.

  
And now he's dead.

**Author's Note:**

> Whoops. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
>  
> 
> ~~Brownie points if you can figure out where the inspiration for the curse and where the title came from.~~
> 
>  
> 
> Check out my Tumblr - [thedoomedprophet](https://thedoomedprophet.tumblr.com).


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